Firstly, we have been in a relationship for ten years and lived together for four. There are no new living habits or surprising guilty pleasures that have suddenly appeared. But how we live has altered, slightly.
I now take pride in being a good housewife and enjoy looking after my husband. Although that’s not to say that I do all the household chores, on the contrary. I hardly ever wash up and haven’t ironed one of his shirts, ever. I definitely can’t take the goddess status just yet but I am working on that. Home is where the heart is, after all.
The doubts and silly little disagreements from before are a rarity. Since we married there’s an agreeable nature there. We talk rather than argue. Listen instead of trying to get the last word in. We’ve become a team and really respect each others wishes, whereas before we were both very stubborn. We are still stubborn but channel that energy in a different way – we often laugh at any silly disagreements instead of me stomping up the stairs. When there is a serious issue, we actually communicate.
Don’t get me wrong, our relationship is far from perfect and we’ve been tested more times than most.
I’ve always been fiercely protective of him, it’s just my nature, and I’ve noticed that more in his personality now, much more than before. I have a husband who is proud to look after his wife and has traditional views on marriage. This is a huge change; very comforting.
Husband. Wife. Those words alone are still quite alien to both of us. When I introduce him as my husband I have the same excited butterflies I had when we started dating 10 years ago. I don’t feel grown up enough to have a husband but I couldn’t imagine it any other way. When he introduces me as his wife it’s so strange but so right.
We’ve had a difficult few months, before, during and after the wedding. In fact this year alone has been one of the most difficult of my life and he’s been my rock. And it’s this, I believe, that’s made us appreciate our marriage even more. I can honestly say that there isn’t anyone that knows me more than my husband. I am so grateful for his positive, inspiring and ‘couldn’t-give-a-shit’ attitude to life. He has taught me to be brave, held my hand while I am helping others and loves me unconditionally. When I am hurt, he has taught me to just let it go. And have self-belief, always.
Normality quickly resumes after the honeymoon period and it’s like, what’s next? People expect babies but we’re still so young. Before, I always envisaged marriage – mortgage – babies. But now that we’re married we’re following our own path and focusing on where we want to go rather than what everyone else is doing. I suppose in a way we are writing our own rules and figuring out what is best for us, individually and as a couple.
We are so different. I’m not even sure we have one interest in common, other than our mutual appreciation of food. But there’s no one in this world that makes me laugh and feel so safe, in equal measures. You can get so comfortable in the marriage bubble that life outside it becomes separate. Spontaneity keeps that sparkle alive and it’s something we acknowledge as quite important for a lasting marriage. It’s something that we were so good at in the first few years but it kind of got lost in everyday living. We’ll work on it more now and certainly in the future.
Above all, we’ve learnt that marriage requires love, patience, communication, understanding, loyalty and dedication. Being with the same person for my whole life scared me before. I didn’t want to fall into a boring routine and I’ve seen so many couples divorce. Now I know that it’s the journey I was supposed to go on.
So, my point of this blog post? When I hear people say that marriage is just a piece of paper, I just don’t think that they’ve found their one true love. For the commitment between a husband and wife is so much more than that. It’s changed my thoughts on marriage entirely.
You can so easily plan a wedding and see that as a marriage but it is the marriage you should plan and prepare for.
It doesn’t matter how amazing the wedding was, it’s the next twenty – fifty years that counts.
I’ve learnt that marriage is easy but takes dedication to make it work. There is nothing in this world that compares to having the love and familiarity from your husband.